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Children process grief differently than adults. When a loved one goes through palliative or end-of-life care, kids often feel everything but don't always have the words to explain it. They may ask questions that feel blunt, act out in strange ways, or seem completely fine, until they're not.
As hard as it is to lose someone, it can feel even harder trying to help a child understand what's happening.
Grief in children depends on their age, personality, and relationship with the person who's dying. Some may cry openly. Others may go quiet, become clingy, or even laugh at moments that feel inappropriate. It's not disrespect; they're just trying to make sense of something big. Younger kids might ask, 'When is grandma coming back?' or 'Did they leave because of me?' Older kids might shut down or become angry. Teenagers might act like they don't care at all. Every reaction is valid.
One pediatric grief counselor shared how a 9-year-old boy lost his mother after months of in-home hospice care. During the final weeks, his mother told him stories every night, making him promise to keep being curious about the world. After she passed, he stopped talking for days, until he quietly asked his dad if he could plant a tree in her name. That small gesture became his way of grieving. Children need safe ways to express grief, and sometimes, it looks like silence, stories, or trees.
If a child withdraws completely, struggles in school, or shows signs of prolonged distress, it might be time to involve a pediatric grief counselor. Many palliative care and hospice programs offer child-specific resources, including art therapy, family counseling, and age-appropriate books about grief. Support groups with other children who've lost loved ones can also help normalize what they're feeling.
Children remember how we showed up during the hardest times. Being present, honest, and loving creates safety, even when we can't take the pain away.
